Friday, May 11, 2012

Real Life

 What's really behind these cute gushy photos? Real life as a mom. 
A mom that fails a lot to be honest as I know most of you do, but just wanted you to know you're not alone. This morning was rough.. you know one of those mornings you wish you could go back and do it all over again? One of those mornings that you feel like you're never going to get everything done. Here's a taste of a typical rough morning for this momma just so you can get a taste. ... Kate wakes up early (6am) her nose still running non stop and a bad bad cough after two weeks but Dr. swears it's just a cold. I try to lay her in my bed to catch that extra 20 minutes of sleep but she is pulling my hair so hard and playing with my lips and eyelashes. Finally I get bugged enough to get up to start the day. I tell myself ok good I can get a head start on things .. I make breakfast and get it all laid out ready to eat. I move on to start lunches while Jonas and Parker now start their breakfast, meanwhile motor mouth (Jonas) is talking non stop way to chipper for any of us in the morning. Then you have Brooke not wanting to get up at all... total bad mood. I make a bottle for Kate then fix her food. I feel ahead of schedule and tell the kids I just need to write one 5 minute email to someone .. this is when it all goes downhill... the noise is now getting louder Parker wanted more food but now doesn't want it, so I told him he needed to finish it. Then Jonas kept bugging Parker.. they are bickering. I'm at the computer desk .. about every few minutes someone can't find something "my socks are too small and  the other one had a hole in it" comes from around the corner.   I think to myself " ugg I need to do laundry again?" "I don't want the rest of my food" says someone else. Then it's stress out time because today was crazy hair day at school ... go get me a bunch of your bows and we'll make it cute she's ok with that then comes back melt down"I don't want to do it?" I say I don't care you don't have to do it! Then realized I forgot to finished the lunches, oh no I don't have much... I think "didn't I just go to the store a few days ago?" I have blueberry muffins, some ham roll ups and stale pretzels with a box of raisins .. that will have to do. Then Lucky our dog keeps running into me crying to be let out which I kept forgetting while looking for matching socks. I let him out then he chases a squirrel, he almost catches him, I gasp and move him on.  Then I come in distracted thinking I would love to have a cup of coffee but really not enough time to make a new batch so I reheated coffee from yesterday ( I know gross) but I needed my addiction fix of caffeine in the morning. I can only take two sips until I want to spit it out all over the place. Gross I think!  I go to return to my computer to send my email. Kate is fussy wanting to be held.. I hold her for a sec to find out she has poop then get her ready for the day, the kids are pulling out toys, Jonas needs to go potty I'm distracted again... I write a few more words then I think "ok, I will get Jonas completely ready for school then try to finish my email" Then I return the living room... it is trashed! Toys out everywhere I tell the twins to clean it up were leaving ... I get a typical "when are we leaving" from the twins? Soon right after I finish this" I say. I'm trying to remain calm, but getting annoyed as I can't type one quick email.  I sit down to type a few words then Jonas walks over with his mouth full of  bubblicious gum including the wrapper.  I said " Where did you get that?" Diaper bag  .... I say spit it out Jonas and he then of course swallows it. He's not supposed to have gum because he chokes on it.  He is in trouble! I put him in time out. He's screaming crying... meanwhile Kate is still fussy because she wants someone to hold her. I think to myself I just wanted to write one quick email, that is it! I tell the twins for the hundredth time get your shoes on... NOW! I start the continuous nagging a mother does so well!  Then I finish my 3 line email a MIRACLE  and tell the kids to get their book bags. We head to the car, Jonas of course doesn't get in the car and hops on his bike in the garage while I'm putting Kate in. I grab the trash out of the car thinking oh wow I actually have time today to wash my van... so I grab Parker's jacket on the floor... he's screaming I need my jacket.  No you don't it, it's 90 degrees today.. he says he likes to use it at school . I said Parker you have two days left at school.. you don't need it. Oh no here it goes, total melt down... he's so upset crying pouting and once he starts he doesn't stop and this point I had had it, I grab the jacket and threw it at him and told him he was a baby! Yes, that's right I told my kid he's acting like a baby! I know as soon as the words left my mouth I was totally wrong.. I don't think I have ever said something so nasty! All patience when out the door and I yelled at them on the way to school .. 
I just wanted to write ONE SHORT EMAIL I said.   
Oh did I forget to mention my husband is out of town for the week.
I get to school and tell the kids I'm sorry for getting upset.  Parker is only focused on one thing "Mommy is it crazy hair day?" I said yes and he got upset again because he didn't know about crazy hair day .. I thought how in the world did he miss Brooke and I talking about it and her getting upset with me about it? I just assumed he didn't want to do it. Then Jonas does his normal get upset routine when I'm dropping him off at preschool and doesn't want to go.  Needless to say the morning continues and I go to the car wash... so excited to finally clean my nasty van get all the rest of the trash out and then go to grab my purse . .. no purse! Really?! Then I look down and Kate had spit up all over my shirt ... good thing I didn't waste my time taking a shower this morning. I quickly wipe it off and run home to get my purse because I want to catch the early bird special at the car wash place. I walk into my living room seeing my 120 pound lab laying across the couch fast asleep probably comatose because he had gotten into the trash can! There was trash all over the house!! I wanted to cry and I did cry. Wow I thought! I grabbed a coke... forget about eating healthy, threw away the to do list and headed to CVS to get a candy bar. Then I just pulled over while Kate was sleeping and rolled down the windows to just my breath and enjoyed my Reeces with Dark chocolate( btw so yummy). I never in a million years would have thought it was this hard to be a mother! I was a kindergarten teacher, I could handle this no problem.Well, I'm here to say it's truly the hardest job I will ever have!  Tomorrow is another day and hopefully It will be better than today but again I know I'm going to fail and thank goodness I believe in a God that will forgive me and still love me even though I lose my cool.  I even know that someday I will look back at mornings like this and miss every second of my kids being young and needing me for so much. But for right now, I feel like I'm in the trenches of motherhood. I'm just so overwhelmed, worn down, tired, beat up, forgetful, dirty, and under appreciated MOM. But I don't give up I will fight my hardest to keep my sanity and  pour as much as I can into these precious gifts. Yes, there is two days left next week before I hit the reality of having four children continually all day long. Please pray for me! This is the last summer before Brooke and Parker head off to school for the next 18 years. I owe it to them to help build them a strong foundation before sending them off to school.
This summer is going to Rock like never before!
 I'm pulling up my sleeves, pulling out my bible, stretching every creative
 bone in my body to make this summer an impactful one! 
The summer of 2012 in going down in the memory books but I can't do it alone...where do I turn?
 ... to Jesus right where I need to be! 
He's the only one that can help me and give me the strength to carry on ...  
Happy Mother's Day!!
If there is anyone who really understands all the hard work you do..its a mother herself.
I have so much honor a respect for you mothers out there.
 Weather you have one child or multiply it's all hard! But you can do it! 
 Truly you are amazing and beautiful, even on those really rough days!

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Heidi said...

Linking up through Embrace... wow, that really is a rough day (great picture though!) Can totally relate, I think all moms can :)

Jana said...

Thanks for sharing Heidi! It sounds like one of those roll-your-eyes this can't be happening kind of days! I had to apologize to Summer today and I was even in a good mood. You are a great Mom. Happy Mother's Day!