Video of Me Finding Out

So on Christmas morning we had an envelope to open up from my OBGYN that had a card in it with the sex of our new baby written on it. We really didn't have a plan of how we would open it, so Scott decided to improvise on the fly...while he was operating the Flip. Here's what happened...

We were a split household again.. I think you can tell that I'm VERY excited:)

Our Christmas Miracle

WE ARE PREGNANT! I can't think of a better way to celebrate Jesus' birthday than a new life that has been given to our family!
If you would like to read our journey to this point read these two post 1. Why the Fog rolled in then 2. The Fog was lifted
I'm 13 weeks now and this is a picture of our precious little baby at 12 weeks. Our ultrasound tech was able to tell the sex (75% sure) so she wrote it down on a card which we plan to open on Christmas Day. I just can't believe it's real, I have such a beautiful little miracle growing inside of me. I want to scream from the mountain top HALLELUJAH! HALLELUJAH!



Thank you all that have prayed through the years... it's been a long journey! So, now it's your turn... what do you think this baby is? Please vote on the right hand side :)
I wish you all a wonderful Christmas! Let peace rule your heart and let thankfulness flow freely in response of Jesus glorious gift. LOVE to you all

When the Fog Was Lifted

If you missed the last post I would encourage you to read it "Why the Fog Rolled in ... it's the foundation for what happens next.

As we walked forward healing and trying to figure out why God would reopen a wound, for one of the first times in my life I was totally content with our PB&J (Parker, Brooke, and Jonas). I wrestled with the desire for more and feeling peace that he had already granted us the miracle we had dreamed of. After 7 years, God finally had answered our prayers and was that enough? I'm not going to lie... when a few friends told me they were pregnant during this time it was sooooo hard. I would have the thought "why not me Lord?" then I would quickly say to myself "because you have a different plan for me."

In the end of October I went away for a friend's baby shower. It was so nice to see my long time best friends. Don't you just love those friends you have just so much history with, it gives you security. We went to this yummy breakfast place and I felt weird after I ate... I had heartburn... I have never had heartburn. Then later that night something didn't feel right. I shrugged it off as just something I ate that didn't agree with me. On Sunday was the baby shower... my mind started to race. I took a sip of mimosa and felt sick... what could this be? I didn't want to go there... there's just no way... I tried to push the thoughts away but inside was freaking out. Later that afternoon my friends dropped me off at the airport. I couldn't take it and it hit me like a ton of bricks... I wanted to find a pregnancy test just so I can have peace of mind. Just to let you know, the airport does not sell them...I looked everywhere like I was doing something wrong, I felt like everyone knew what I was looking for!

I got home to tuck the kids into bed and then I hit the sack... I was wiped without sharing any of it with Scott. The next morning I couldn't stand it, I dropped the kids off at school and went straight to CVS (same one) bought the same box but only took one test this time... Jonas again looking up at me like mom why are we here again? Within minutes DARK pink lines comes... OH MY GOSH OH MY GOSH!!!! I couldn't believe it!! How could this be? my body was still healing and never in a million years would I think a month later we would be pregnant after it taking over 7 YEARS(if you didn't know, we used in vitro with the twins) Within an hour of excitement the fear sunk in. It was like a huge gush of wind knocked my breath out and I wanted to be guarded from the hurt of it happening again. I avoided talking to Scott all day as I wanted to surprise him when he got home from work.

I had the kids make a sign that said We Are Pregnant (since they can't read, I told them it said "Welcome Home Daddy" haha!) We always know when he gets home from work because our dog Lucky hears his car pull up and freaks out at the door. So we were all in position... Parker holding WE, Brooke holding ARE, and Jonas holding PREGNANT... upside down of course! He walked in and saw us and his jaw dropped "REALLY??" he said. The kids started screaming welcome home daddy over and over.. haha I told him they didn't know really what it said..

He was shocked, stunned, but excited.. he was much more confident that everything would be ok but I know he was nervous also. Two days later we went to see the Dr. and do blood work. My numbers came back later the next day they were so high... YEAH God!!! We were still guarded and not telling anyone... for the next few weeks I was surrendering and pleading with God for this baby to be ok. I was in a complete fog feeling exhausted and just holding my breath that everything was ok. For every symptom I was having I would just thank God for one more day being pregnant. It was rough and hard and days seemed so long. I avoided friends because we weren't telling yet...I was worried more than ever and it was definitely testing my strength. I was counting down the days to see a heartbeat. Nov 15th was the day I will forever remember, I was 7 weeks pregnant we went to the Doctor's appointment, Jonas was with us... and we for the first time saw our baby's heartbeat. It was beautiful, just amazing seeing this little baby inside growing with one strong heartbeat! PRAISE JESUS!!! In my mind I was officially pregnant!! It was real... our dreams have finally come true, we were able to get pregnant on our own with a healthy baby! PRAISE JESUS! His timing is always perfect!

Don't get me wrong, it was a mental struggle to get here... not at all what I imagined it to be. Telling friends and family that have known our struggles make it so real. There are just so many that have prayed for us over the years. I could finally give all the Glory to God that he deserves. So for you out there that have had infertility issues, hang on as God is working ... even you could have a miracle story like us someday!!

Why the Fog rolled in...

It's time to explain how the fog rolled in over these past few months. First I want to say why in the world would I want to share this with the entire web world. For one main reason, I want people to see HOPE! One of my favorite verses of all times is Consider it pure joy.. when you encounter various trails because the testing of your faith develops perseverance. James 1:2-3

This verse has been the center of our marriage as we hit the storms. We all are going to have the difficult times... it just depends on how we are going deal with them. Hopefully sharing this will also show you to persevere and have patience with God's greater plan for your life. Through our pain there was a greater miracle that happened that we hold on to.

August the 16th will be a day I will never forget. It was a Monday morning, Scott had been out of town for the week and was flying in around 1pm. I had been having lots of thoughts running through my head all weekend. My friend had called me that morning to come over for a play date before picking him up from the airport. We were doing the normal routine getting ready. I put on my favorite comfortable blue dress and it felt tight... "weird" I thought, and one of those thoughts went through my head. If you have ever been a person that struggles with infertility, then you understand how your mind just jumps to thinking... Could I be pregnant? Quickly I set it aside thinking I'm over reacting... I'm sure it's just that time of month. I then put on another outfit and again it was tight. I stopped and thought, boy I do have a lot of signs, when my sister in law was here visiting (She's pregnant) I felt her symptoms with her.... My mind was racing all weekend and I couldn't turn it off. I was looking in my makeup drawer when I saw an OLD, I mean old, pregnancy test from 3 years ago. So I thought just to stop this obsessing I'll just take it. I took it and I saw two faint pink lines slowly getting darker ..... "oh my gosh, OH MY GOSH" I kept saying over and over!!!! I started to cry but then I thought this can't be right, this test is so old it's no good .. I'm sure some thing's wrong.. it can't be! I was shaking like a leaf and yelled for the kids to finish getting dressed we need to run to the drug store. Brooke said "what's wrong Mommy?" .. I said nothing, but she knew something was up. We all piled into the car .. I was in shock .. that test just couldn't be right? WOW what if it is? Inside I was getting a little excited but didn't want to let myself get my hopes up. Then in CVS I bought a pack of three and took them all in the CVS bathroom with all 3 kids were in there .. touching who knows what but I was in shock.. Jonas kept looking at me with his big eyes wondering what are we doing? All three test slowly came up positive!! OH MY GOSH, OH MY GOSH!! tears streamed down my face... it's a miracle!

OK I've got to get myself together I didn't want the kids to know what was up before I tell Scott! We walked up and down the aisles of CVS not knowing what I was doing but knew I needed to surprise Scott somehow at the airport. He's was not going to believe this! I just couldn't wipe the smile off my face I was walking on cloud nine... it really happened! I had dreamed of this day for so long. So, I found a card that sang "I'm so excited and I just can't hide it"... it was perfect and also got a small gift bag to put the positive test in. We headed straight for the airport over an hour early and completely forgot I was supposed to be meeting my friend. It was a mess for the next hour with parking and trying to find Scott's flight but finally we found him at baggage claim. They lost his bags but were on the next flight so we went to go eat at Macaroni Grill while we waited for the bags. I was a wreck inside and was dying to tell him! So we ordered our food and then I said we got you something at CVS. I gave him the card and he looked at me with a big smirk .. what? He then opened the bag and saw the positive test and said REALLY??? I said yes and his eyes filled with tears .. the kids were clueless:) I was shaking again and we hugged. I do think it was the shock of his LIFE but such an awesome miracle! We both couldn't stop smiling we were so happy! Thank you Lord for this is a gift!

Three days later I started to have spotting and the doctor couldn't see me until the following Monday. Scott again had to go out of town that weekend and I was worried something was wrong. I felt different... I was worried but there was nothing I could do but wait... I trusted God he knew what is best. Monday came and our Dr. office sent us right over to the emergency room because I had been spotting. Scott and I were scared.. my heart sank. After an exam, blood work, an ultra sound, and 4 hours of waiting, no one could tell us anything. Finally the doctor told us my numbers were low and to return in two days to see if they are increasing. He did not seem very promising or hopefully. We were left stunned holding each other in the parking lot wondering what all this meant? It was just shocking after 7 years of not being able to get pregnant on our own why in the world would God take this child away? The tears wouldn't stop flowing. For the next few days it was a roller coaster ride. We had hope that they would increase but instead my numbers went down.... I was having a miscarriage.

Within a really painful weekend I started to see HOPE. The holy spirit inside arise in my heart... I got pregnant on my own which was such a miracle!!! It's something we have prayed for and God answered our prayers after all these years, It was amazing. Something we didn't know could happen but God gave us HOPE that it could happen again. Even though it wasn't the outcome we wanted...we will always have a special place in our hearts for that child. We learned so much to trust the Lord even more, to lean on him even when we don't understand why something is happening. He has the greater plan! If I would have gotten pregnant before having Jonas I could possibly never have Jonas and we would be missing out on all the joy and love he brings! We couldn't imagine our life without him so I thank God for his timing. This baby was a miracle and gives hope to me as I hope it does for you!

You see God is constantly working to transform us. Each circumstance we encounter is one more way for him to form us in his image and to rely on him more. When the storms come be thankful as he choose you to experience them and you will have a renewed faith each time you allow God to work through you. We need his help continually to keep our HOPE alive. We need to lean on him to help us to see difficulties in a more positive light. He will and always will give us strength to persevere. There are no limits to what God's great power and Glory can accomplish! He can change the most "hopeless" situation into the most beautiful miracle.
Then you will know that I am the Lord; those who hope in me will not be disappointed. Isaiah 49:23
I was left with this song .. it kept coming on the radio every time I was in the car .. I know it was just another way God was there..





I was left with HOPE and I felt strong and ready for whatever was next but I didn't expect what would happen next and it knocked me on my knees again surrendering... to be continued....

Update for Fundraiser!

Trees of Glory and Jessica have had a Christmas miracle! The total is now:

$4740!!!!!

That's 85% of the needed amount to protect the land at Trees of Glory!!

With just ONE day left to place an order(tomorrow-Saturday the 18th) we just may close this fundraiser out!

What an awesome Christmas gift that would be.

Thanks so much to all who have contributed thus far. A special thanks to my Jessica's Aunt who has been working hard to assemble and mail all of the cards out and Jessica's mom who has been making trips to and from the printer to pick up over 150 cards that have been ordered! We'll be working together to finish up any last minute orders on Sunday and will be sending them out on Monday for those who order this weekend.

We are a little less than one cow short ($890) of meeting the goal of raising $5600!

NEVER Doubt the power of the LORD.. he will fund your calling!

Christmas Time

You know those moments you just want to capture and put them in a kept sake box? This year was one of those moments.. it was so fun putting up the tree with the kids. They we so excited they walked with an extra jump in their step for every ornament they got to hang on the tree. They wanted to know every story about each ornament and they especially loved looking at the art and craft ones they had made the previous years. They were in such awe of everything even Jonas as he loved the lights outside. Brooke and I had walked across the street to admire our lighted house and Jonas said "AHHH" because we were:) It being his First Christmas makes it a special one! We were worried about Jonas taking down the tree and believe it or not he hasn't touched it once...knock on wood:)
I gave the kids new Christmas PJs and Brooke kept saying "thank you mama thank you!" It was just one of those nights... no one had a melt down, or was tired... we all just got along so well and the love was flowing. We talked about the meaning of the season, about Jesus' birthday and how important it is. I hope and pray my Children grow up knowing and understanding there is just so much more to the season than gifts and Santa. As long as we keep the focus on Jesus then I think they will too.

Our finished tree..don't you just love looking at it admiring how blessed you are?

How to make a difference!

So, here it is. Your big chance to join with my Friend Jessica and the folks at Children's Hopechest to impact the lives of 84 needy kids in Ethiopia.

This video gave a shocking statistic. Americans spend 450 BILLION dollars year after year after year buying stuff each Christmas. Usually, the stuff purchased is a luxury item and often it is forgotten by the new year. This year, we have the opportunity to give gifts that matter and have an ongoing impact.

Trees of Glory needs funding to construct a barn to house 5 cows. The cows will graze the land that is at risk of being taken back by the government, thereby fulfilling the land use requirement and protecting the land. Remember, this land is a vital piece of property at TOG as it separates the school from an existing well. It's a pretty simple solution to the problem. One that doesn't sound very heroic. But, for people who struggle just to survive, this is an insurmountable hurdle and it will make a big difference for them.

That's where you and Jessica come in. For just $1100, Hopechest can purchase the supplies needed to construct the barn. Hopechest has estimated the cost of each cow to be about $900. So, for about $5600, the land at Trees of Glory will be protected. This project will not only protect the land, but it will also provide a sustainable food source and good source of protein from the cows' milk and give the care point a potential income source.


So here's how the fundraiser works. We're calling this fundraiser "Christmas Trees of Glory" because we want you to look at your Christmas lists this year in a different light. Think about your part of that 450 billion that Americans will collectively spend on Christmas gifts in 2010. Now this year, instead of going to Target or Toys R Us, do some of your shopping online by making a donation (of any amount) to the Trees of Glory Livestock Fund (all donations will be given directly through Hopechest's secure website).

You will then receive a gift card like the one pictured below (designs may vary slightly) and an envelope for each of the donations that you make. So, if you want to make a $5 donation for 5 of the people on your gift list (think teachers, co-workers, relatives, friends...), you'll donate $25 to Hopechest and then email her at jirvin79@gmail.com to let her know that you've made a donation (that way we can track the donations and make sure they are allocated properly to the livestock fund). Also include your address and the number of gift cards/envelopes that you need and we'll mail them off to you. The back of the card will briefly detail how your gift will impact the lives of the kids at TOG.

Pretty simple right?

To review:

Make a donation at http://www.hopechest.org/ (go to the site, click on the orange GIVE button on the far right side at the top of the home page)

Under "Gift Information," click on "choose a fund" and select "designated gifts"

Then write in your gift amount (if you're giving gift cards to more than one person, just add up the total amount to be given and write it in the blank, then when you email me, just clarify the number of total gift cards needed-that will save you from having to make multiple donations)

Then (this is the important part) under the "notes field" be sure to add in the Trees of Glory Livestock Fund code which is "ET2119000 LIVESTOCK."

Finally, add in your info and follow the prompts to complete your donation.

Once you complete your donation, send Jessica an email at jirvin79@gmail.com with your donation amount, your mailing address and the number of gift cards that you need and we'll send it out to you within the next few days. So that we are able to get the cards to you before Christmas, please make all donations prior to December 18th. If we have not met our goal by then, we will continue fundraising through other avenues, but the gift cards will no longer be sent.

I know that's a lot of information all at once. If you have any questions, please email me.

Jessica also love for you to send her a comment if you are planning on posting this information on your blog or other outlet just so I can have an idea of who's participating. Feel free to copy any information posted here and encourage your blog readers to post it on their blogs so that we can reach as many readers as possible.

Let's be the hope for these kids this Christmas!!!!!

Never too Late to be Thankful ....

I know, I know I'm only 2 weeks late with sharing about our Thanksgiving. But really it's never to late to be thankful. It was a GREAT day, one I think we will all remember as being special:) Scott and I hosted this year and really it was pretty easy. Scott did the Turkey and Stuffing and I did a few casseroles while the rest of the gang brought the rest. I pulled out all the China as my Grandmother would have been proud. Everyone had their role to help prepare for our feast...

Scott's dad helped him carve the Turkey

Gigi helped make the gravy

Dana entertained the kids

Ready to eat

Parker got the drum stick .. his favorite

Ellie had lost her tooth and we talked about how cool it would be for her to loose her other front tooth as she could sing all I want for Christmas is my two front teeth .. well her wish came true as it fell out the next day and the twins learned about the tooth fairy.

I'm just thankful and blessed to have such an amazing family with so much love to share. I just don't know what I would do without such a supportive family. They have been there every step of the way through all the ups and downs life brings us. We are there for one another... I am truly thankful!

The Fog

To be totally honest and vulnerable with you, the fog of life has rolled in slowly over the last few months for me. I have been blinded to being able to see clearly on the vision of God. Being distracted by things of unimportance has swept in. Old idols have arose again but this time I'm instantly reminded to beware. Again, I find myself with worry and doubts in need of totally surrendering my fears onto him. God has BIG... no HUGE things planned for me and for some reason I have let joy be robbed by worry. I have been holding my breath, ready for a big trial to hit me... but the storm seems to be veering off and the fog is slowly lifting and I can taste the joy about to burst through. I will never find my security within my own thoughts of a storm coming... I have to remember EVERY time, GOD controls the atmosphere of my life. I've been obsessing about the possible problems rather than bringing them to God. This week I start fresh, fighting off the temptations to lose focus on what really matters most, my relationship with Jesus. I choose this week to look to my side at Jesus holding my hand guiding me and giving me strength. I know he's my strength and together with him I can handle ANYTHING!

I'm sure to some of you this may not make sense but in the upcoming weeks it will... hang on and let me catch you up to the past couple of months with some fun family photos in between :)

Boy, have I missed sharing my thoughts with you... even after writing this, the fog has lifted just a little more.