Tuesday, July 27, 2010

The Widow = My Mom

So the Lord has laid on my heart to share a part of my story. Do you know when the Holy Spirit shakes your heart to want to share something? It's so hard to ignore and to express because it's where pain may arise again. Well I'm willing to take the risk and I can't ignore it any longer as my hands are shaking to share with you a part of me. I want it to give hope and inspire those out there they may be struggling with difficult relationships. I really got this feeling last week when it was my birthday, I had shared with my aunt that I was having a rough day and she agreed she does the same thing when it's her birthday. You get sentimental and remember the memories of past birthdays and how you shared them with family and friends. Well this year, I think the Lord wanted me to have a time of reflection of my life. Yes, this blog may look like we have it all together but where I have come from to have this dream family has been a hard and rough road. The Lord has carried me along the way... My story from total beginning to end only He and I can truly understand and grasp what He's done inside me but I would like to share with you so you can see the beauty of what God can do when you see Him at work. We all have stories and it's our choice to see what GREAT things God has done and woven together for our good. Even the hardships in my life I wouldn't take back for anything, instead I thank the Lord for them as they have transformed my soul to totally see God for how beautiful He is. If you feel like you are all alone in your trials, know this is your season to turn and look over to Jesus walking along side of you. Trust me when I say He is there, even when you think He's not! You are always right where the Lord wants you. I'm thankful for the Father that has been there and carried me to the point I am today.
Beware, this is very sad and if you have lost a love one it may be hard to read.

I will start this part, 7 years ago in Feb 2003... my father was coming back from his local breakfast place where he went every morning for the past 15 years. He drove home into the driveway where he fell out of his car. When my mom ran out and he was not responding, the neighbors called 911. SIX days later in the hospital on Feb 9, 2003 he died of a brain aneurysm and my mother became a widow. It was a day that her life would change forever. Meanwhile, Scott the love of my life had proposed to me on Feb.10 ( the day after he died) out in Big Sur, CA... it was truly the BEST day of my life. I was on cloud 9 calling extended family and friends, but not my parents. I was totally unaware my father had just passed away... God was protecting me ( Hang with me here as it's gets a little complicated:) My relationship with my parents wasn't very good. I had left home when I was 13 years old... another story for another time. Needless to say when I was engaged to Scott my parents had never even met him for the two years we dated because of our distance and strained relationship.

Exactly one month later, I get a phone call from the uncle that I had lived with through high school and college, and he shared the news about my father passing away. I remember every detail of that phone call... he said "where are you?" and I said "in my car parked in front of my 2nd client of the day" he said "I have some horrible news, your dad has passed away" I said "WHAT??? NO! What? NO! NO!" I couldn't believe him ...this is not right! He couldn't have! He told me the neighbor had been trying to find us for a month and finally came across my uncle's number. It had hit me like a ton of bricks just as quick as a wink, my father was gone. I couldn't breath I was crying so hard... our relationship was starting to make a turn, I wanted to reach out to him and share my exciting news about getting married, I wanted him to meet my future husband, all the childhood memories came pouring in... the endless thoughts rushed through my head as I sat frozen, crying... then it hit me... MY MOM oh no what has happened to her?? My mind went racing, oh LORD please tell me she's ok? My dad was everything to her! How has she lived without him this past month? I could hardly drive home i was crying so hard... we needed to get to her as fast as we could! I ran into the house and fell on the ground... as hard as it was, I told Scott. He was my voice and called my work and packed my bags while I called my aunts and they told me they were all on their way. We jumped in the car for a 5 hour drive not knowing how my mom would be when we got there. I can't describe those emotions as it was so raw, my mind would jump from sorrow to worry the entire drive but we prayed and I knew the Lord was right there next to me along every step. I had an inner strength inside that was coming from Him. I knew this was about to change my life and strengthen me even more. I told Scott so many stories, my dad had a heart of gold and he was the most giving person I will ever meet. It still pierces my heart to think about him today. It was a loss that only the Lord could pull me through! I prayed my mother was ok, I didn't know how we would find her when we got there. My relationship with her struggled more than my dads. I never doubted my dad's love, he wanted the best for me... but my mom well, it was hard. But no matter what, she was my mother and it's my responsibility to care for her! She was in distress and God calls us to care for the widows. He had laid that on my heart, it was clear to put all else aside and to love her unconditionally just as Jesus loves us. It was a hard drive... one that I know changed me to truly see the face of Jesus. I was going to have to lean on Him more than I have ever had to before and boy did the LORD show up in big ways.
to be continued.....
I don't even know who reads my silly blog but for some reason He laid it on my heart to share my story that hopefully inspires at least one reader.


Andrea Young said...

Waiting anxiously for the rest of the story sweet sister. Thank you for opening your heart to share. My husband's father died the week after we got engaged...and his sweet mom, who is also now a widow, just left my house helping ME with my 4 kiddos while Rich is out of town. MY...I have it backwards tonight...how humbling to think SHE is helping care for ME! Looking forward friend to hear more:)

Jon y Amy said...

Heidi, I am thankful you are willing to share this part of yourself. It is a good start to your book you are going to right someday!

Kristi J said...

oh, i can't wait to read...I can relate in so many ways...kristi

Aunt Susan said...

the words from a precious child of God-I am so happy that you know Him so well. I am so glad that you know that He is walking with you always. I am so relieved that He is your best friend. It is in Him that we find peace and joy! I love you, Heidi. Beautifully written from the heart and I love knowing there is more to come! I am praying for you and your Mom!

Jennifer said...

My eyes are filled with tears Heidi. Thank you for sharing the first part, and I anxiously await more.

I think you will definitely touch someone's heart with this story. You already have touched mine and I don't even know the conclusion.