Thursday, July 29, 2010

The Widow = My Mom Part 3

The Lord is always with you and it's your choice to call on Him and see that He is all around you. Sometimes when we feel overwhelmed in our busy lives we should look up at the beautiful blue sky and puffy white clouds and realize how big our Lord is. What a gift to have something so beautiful all around us everyday... we take it for granted! Just like the sky, God is with us and we still take Him for granted and underestimate His power. He always has us right where He wants us even thought it may be hard to trust in that... it should give you peace.

During that season in my life I looked up into the clouds a lot! I needed to feel God's peace. My Aunt, Uncle, Scott and I walked inside that morgue to gather my dad's belongs. I wasn't ready and I don't think they were either. We sat around a table and a lady brought out a black bag. I took a deep breath because they wanted us to identify if they was his belongs. As we had to go through the bag I could smell him... wow, the power of his smell gave me warmth! My Aunt and Uncle were wonderful... they started to tell stories about him and for the first time I think Scott had a taste of who he was. We laughed and they did a great job at distracting me from the pain. I saw his clothes and shoes and knew right away it was his things. His wallet was full... I mean the fullest I had ever seen a wallet. We started to go through it slowly and pulled out every business card... he had written something on each of them. Each card told a story of who he met and where he met them. He had all our addresses, tickets from plays & football games, receipts, and there were pictures of me through the ages, of all our family... basically everything that meant something to him was in his wallet. It showed his heart and that he loved us... we were his life! It was giving me closure to see these things... it was so good and healthy. We took our time and found a way to enjoy this time and told more stories about him. I was so thankful for my family to be with me that day and we shared so much with Scott. Then after we put the wallet back I saw something in his back pocket. It was some papers and mail. I took a minute to look at them and I couldn't believe it.... it was a church program. I looked at the date and he had attended the day before he died. Also, it was from the church I was thinking about burring him at. My father didn't go to church much or any when I was a child so this meant a lot to me! I just felt like it was God showing me this was the place he belonged. It was the reassurance I needed that we were making the right decision.

Then my Aunt opened a worn letter and said oh my gosh... it was a letter written from Scott to my Grandmother, which after she received it she sent a copy to my parents.
Here is the letter....
Dear Mrs. Simcoke, ( My grandmother)
I know you have never received a letter from me, but I thought it would be nice to write you and fill you in on how Heidi and I are doing.
I wanted to let you know how special Heidi is to me. I never thought I could love someone as much as I love Heidi. She is truly an angel sent to me straight from the heavens. We have been dating over a year and a half and have had many discussions about getting married. Lately, we have come to the realization that we are both ready.
It is such an exciting time in both of our lives to know we want to spend the rest of our lives together. We have both hoped and dreamed all of our lives to meet our soul mates and we thank God that he has blessed us with each other.
As I plan to propose sometime in the next few months, I obviously have been looking for a ring. Boy, it's tough! It is so hard to pick out something that she will wear on her hand for the rest of her life. A ring that will have so much meaning and a story that goes with it wherever she goes. I don't know if you have any diamonds that you would want Heidi to wear but I thought it would be so special to her if she could wear a diamond that you once wore. She loves you deeply and I can't think of anything that would make her happier. I trust that you will keep this in secret so that Heidi will not find out. I want to be able to surprise her the best I can.
I hope your doing well and can't wait to see you
Love Scott
The tears were streaming down my face... I couldn't believe it!! My dad knew I was getting married! He got to see Scott's love for me and share with people around him. I found out later that he shared it with his friends at his local breakfast place and everywhere he went he told people I was getting married. He knew I was going to be taken care of and that I was going to be married to a wonderful man!! WHAT a BLESSING! It was my biggest desire and God had answered my prayers. We were all crying... but tears of joy!
Scott did get a diamond from my Grandmother. When he proposed he told me the story of driving down to my grandmother's to get it, but what we didn't realize was that my parents had given my grandmother my great grandmother's diamond. They were even a part of the whole process and we didn't even know it. I couldn't believe it! Praise God, what a gift to know my dad was happy and celebrating in the biggest part of my life the week before he died. Even though I didn't get to share it with him I know he was so happy and proud of me... that was priceless! I thank God for orchestrating something so wonderful and letting me feel His presence so close to me! It was the strength I needed to have to carry on with the rest of the week. I just knew our God is so much bigger and has all the details all figured out... I just have to follow Him. He guided me and every door opened as the funeral arrangement were made. The funeral was perfect, very small but there was so much Love! Even though my mom didn't come, it was OK because I knew her mind couldn't have taken it. She was my next challenge but i was ready... because through Christ that strengthens me I can conquer all things!

To be continued...


Elle J said...

Speechless. God is amazing. Thank you for opening up your life and sharing this very personal, yet important, and God written story.

(and you wondered if anyone was reading your blog ... yep, me =) I came across it while you were traveling to Ethiopia for Jonas and I have stayed reading).

Great writing!

Kristi J said...

you are such a great writer...can't wait for the next one, kj

Jennifer said...

This is so beautiful Heidi.

The Pendrak's said...

Thank you for sharing your heart...your story!