Wednesday, September 29, 2010

A Restless Heart

It's funny, every time I think of something I want to post it seems I get quickly distracted with other things in life and many times put them aside. Well not today, I have been wanting to share this for some time.. my heart has been restless. I just feel God has something brewing. Of course, I'm slowly beginning to see what that may look like.

When we returned from Ethiopia as you have heard me say before "a piece of my heart was left there" you feel helpless and not sure what else you can do to help I start asking myself, how am I really going to make a difference? Then you read these books that pull on your heartstrings feeling like you want to drop everything and move over there. Then reality hits and that's not an option right now. Your mind starts racing thinking of possibilities/dreaming of how you can help. It's opened my eyes so big I feel it's all I think about some days .

When I see an expensive car I think "the money for that car could have helped cared for a starving village, or that 35.00 dress could feed one child for a month, or the cost of that $20 necklace could buy a few pairs of shoes for children". I play these mind game with myself thinking we are all sleeping under the same sky and living on the same planet as God watches all this happens before him. Some of it just has to make him sick .. it makes me sick how consumed we are in our America culture. We all have blinders on and our priorities are all out of whack! We don't need that fancy dress or one more necklace in the jewelry box. I know you have heard the statistic before and it's hard for them to impact you if you have never seen it with your own eyes. They are just numbers .. until you invite them into your heart and want to change them.

MORE than 26 THOUSAND children TODAY will breathe their last breath due to starvation or a preventable disease. read that again .. let it sink in.. then again until you get that ..

How can we turn our blinders on to that? We live in a RICH country that has an abundance of everything much we forget the difference of our wants and needs. We complain about what we have all the time and we are NEVER satisfied.. We are working our way towards more and more wants..the higher paying job, the bigger house, the better car, the next highest position at work, the bigger retirement fund.... then somehow the majority of everyone I know including myself, every month wonder "where did all the money go?" It's a rat race and it's exhausting. I will confess I have driven around my neighborhood A LOT thinking "wow that bigger house would be awesome .. I can't wait until we can afford to live in something like that." I hate it and I don't want to think that way. I want to break the cycle and re-train my mind to think while driving around the neighborhood "I'm so thankful we stayed in the same house all these years and were able to GIVE MORE to those who are starving and dieing everyday!" I have had a blind eye to the world around me until God has opened my mind to know what's really important.

My heart is full and I want to give so much .. I want to spend a lifetime giving to those around me that have nothing. I want people to remember me as thoughtful and generous.. I want it to be contagious to those around me.. I want to get out of this "American Dream" endless cycle and make a difference to those in need. Let's get out of our selfish ways and look at our neighbors that are hurting. Are you up for the challenge? There are going to be some ways you can do that. I don't know about you but my heart is restless for it! To be continued..


Anonymous said...

Thanks for sharing your heart Heidi. I, too, am plagued with thoughts like that a lot lately, but God is changing my heart to understand that it's not a plague at's an amazing blessing! May our hearts continue to be broken for the things that break HIS! (You probably don't know who we are, but I feel as if we know you through our daughter, Amy) We absolutely adore our little Adia and Jada!

Jon y Amy said...

Heidi, Amen. Interesting, it sounds like my Mom and I should talk more about this. :)

I am right there, right now. I have been wrestling with such conviction and am just really praying about how we should be proceeding. I actually wrote a paper on this the other night to try and collect my thoughts. The struggle with materialism and wanting more, at the same time I want to give it all! Restless is the perfect word to describe my heart as well. Wished we lived closer.

Jessica said...

Love it. I can't wait to see what's next! God can do great things with restlessness!!!!

Jill Dupras said...

you wrote everything i have been thinking about. i told my husband last night i needed to write so i could say what has been on my heart, and here you did just that. thank you